Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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