based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and she was petting her beer can
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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