forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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