The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
