i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
