Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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