I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
