i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
