Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
