who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I won the penis lottery.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
