i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
