All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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