I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
