i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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