I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
