have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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