6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
