Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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