Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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