i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
