I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
