can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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