your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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