saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
