did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
