I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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