oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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