my mouth tastes like poor choices
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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