I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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