That's intense
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
