forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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