whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
