I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he thought i was a dude.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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