you would pick up someone in the library
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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