you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
