i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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