My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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