You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just tell him i said nine months
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
