I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
