Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
