I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
