Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
