im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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