i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
