marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
