I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
