Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
