Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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