I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
