Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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