made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
