He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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