Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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