I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize