everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Green mimosas i think yes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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