i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
