none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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