She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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