Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My pussy is not your playground.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
