My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
