Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So much Jack, so little girl.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
