It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
