Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
