Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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