it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
