Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
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I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
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Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina