you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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