Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.