Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!

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(203): walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!! http://tfl.nu/de92

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(808): View more from Hawaii

guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina

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(808): guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina http://tfl.nu/joff

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(586): View more from Michigan

You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

(1-586): View more from Michigan

You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

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(586): You do realize it's a Tuesday, right? (1-586): You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life. http://tfl.nu/em8w

Replies (22) Good night (7779) Bad night (612)
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(303): View more from Colorado

He felt like a one man threesome

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(303): He felt like a one man threesome http://tfl.nu/1ehs

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(847): View more from Illinois

Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?

(1-847): View more from Illinois

It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.

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(847): Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport? (1-847): It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok. http://tfl.nu/wou3

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(734): View more from Michigan

I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.

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(734): I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out. http://tfl.nu/oiev

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(630): View more from Illinois

He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.

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(630): He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together. http://tfl.nu/tn1p

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(905): View more from Ontario

I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though

(289): View more from Ontario

Lolll I'll be sleeping

(905): View more from Ontario

I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.

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(905): I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though (289): Lolll I'll be sleeping (905): I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town. http://tfl.nu/s1jf

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this

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(508): Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this http://tfl.nu/b1b0

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(720): View more from Colorado

Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.

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(720): Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/6vuz

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.

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(270): Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail. http://tfl.nu/dt82

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."

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(201): I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl." http://tfl.nu/ji6j

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(303): View more from Colorado

Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.

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(303): Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up. http://tfl.nu/afn3

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(514): View more from Quebec

i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.

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(514): i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag. http://tfl.nu/q8nn

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Really? A fat girl?

(1-206): View more from Washington

I'm walking her back. Chill out.

(1-206): View more from Washington

She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.

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(612): Really? A fat girl? (1-206): I'm walking her back. Chill out. (1-206): She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though. http://tfl.nu/xw6d

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