what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
