The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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