I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
