I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
