____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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