I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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