She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
