I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
