apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
