but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
