addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
