Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
