She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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