Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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