I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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