playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
