All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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