me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
