I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
