either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
